Total Bitch

By

Hey, remember this blog post? Yeah, well. It escalated.

I mean like, “what the fck?!”

It is 3:40 AM and a few hours ago I was peacefully having a wonderful exchange of ideas with my sister, though I was a little sleepy. Then I get a text telling me to check my IG because they sent a message there.

And that threw me off completely. My mood soured, my entire nervous system just fell apart and now I am crying even though on normal days, it’s not a big deal. I just wanted some peace and quiet for the three days I’m off? No demands? No false sense of urgency? I just wanted to focus on myself for my birthday? Is that so hard to do?

Like I have said before, whenever I’m feeling depleted, I’m very raw and vulnerable and it is for this reason that I limit my in-person engagement, and mostly the reason why I deactivate my accounts or just sign out of it. I am so sensitive that the littlest things set me off.

I have been exhausted since the start of October. I am not a good person when I am tired, I am irritable and my rage goes from 0 to 100. You don’t understand, I’m a total bitch. It’s genetic at this point? Do you know how someone described my aunts when they were younger? Tempestuous.

And for everyone who is used to knowing me as the most patient, kind, easy-going, good-natured girl, this will come as a shock. This is why I only hang out with 2-3 of the same people during these times. They know.

Keeping to myself and setting my boundaries by exiting from my personal instagram account and limiting my in-person interaction.  Do I have to over-communicate to get the point across? Do I have to send a letter? Write a lengthy Facebook post?

What the fuck.

P.S. You know what I want for New Year’s? For all these stalker accounts and creepers to just follow me with their real accounts. I would really love that. That’s engagement. I won’t get flagged or shadow-banned for having bot followers y’know? And I get additional and real followers. It’s win-win! So hopefully when I go back to normal I get to see their requests because that would be nice and comforting. lol. but no really, I’m serious.

 

Play: It’s My Party by Leslie Gore

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.