Justin, an elusive memory

I watched a movie with Dennis yesterday. When I was buying the popcorn, we realized how big large was but by the end of the film we still finished our bags. We watched Nope. It was interesting. I enjoyed it. As someone who has an undergrad in film, I have nothing to say. I’ve only been watching shows for my entertainment recently.

We hopped on the train and talked a bit about gaming. Dennis doesn’t have social media, and as a bad friend, I am always forgetting to keep in touch because iMessage is a lot more work than Instagram.

After the movies, I decided to take a different route going home. I dropped by the grocery store and walked a few blocks to get home.

I don’t have work for 5 straight days so I started getting bored. It’s not like I don’t have anything to do. There are a lot of things I could do like cleaning up our patio, repotting the plants, working on scholarship essays etc. Yet somehow, the motivation eludes me. I figured I would start working on my zine project (that’s been in the works since 2018)

I looked for some of my daily planners from 2015-2016 so I could reference it for my zine and while reading some day-to-day details, I suddenly cringed. I cringed at the things I did, like surprising someone on their birthday or buying them a gift. Anyway, one of the things I wrote on my planner was “had dinner with so and so and Justin.” On another day I wrote, “took a cab going home with so and so and Justin.” But for the life of me, I could not remember who Justin was. Who the hell was Justin? From context clues, I seemed to work with Justin back in 2015. The thing is, retail is a fast world where people come and go but the days stay the same. And possibly at the time, I was so focused on one person that everything else was just background noise.

But I’m so disturbed by the fact that I cannot recall the face of someone named Justin. That I had memories with this person, having meals together and taking cab rides home and yet they had disappeared from my consciousness.

I guess, I was someone who could be that kind of person for others too. Now I try to remember the people I met during seasonal jobs and their names now elude me. Even their faces start to fade from my memories. It’s amazing how many memories we make each day but they fade out of our memories even when we want to keep them.

But truly, who the hell is Justin?

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